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New Advances in Management of Yiweitis

Source: FF Medical Monthly

Scientists at the prestigious University of Nonsensica have recently presented a paper on new options for managing Yiweitis.

For years, researchers worldwide have been seeking a cure for this dreaded generalised inflammatory brain disease which is known to attack the neurons controlling socially appropriate behaviour. Yiweitis, discovered in the late 1990’s by renowned neurologist CLSK, is a disease of unknown etiology with occasionally fatal complications. Some symptoms include suppression of the satiety centre in the brain, loss of inhibition, hyperactivity and attention deficit disorder, as well as hypertrophy of the vocal cords. However, the most feared consequence of Yiweitis is the generalized severe dementia it ultimately causes.

Physicians had often prescribed Samnisolone, a potent steroid, to treat Yiweitis. Samnisolone was believed to work by reducing the oedema it caused in its victims’ brains. However, due to the myriad side-effects it caused, many patients had to discontinue therapy. Among other things, Samnisolone was responsible for psychopathy, schizophrenia and delusional perceptions. There was also a little-publicized study 2 years ago which insinuated that patients on Samnisolone also had excessive production of pheromones, which unsurprisingly had some devastating effects.

Recently, however, three new pharmacological treatments have been shown to be relatively successful in managing Yiweitis. The 3-drug regime, consisting of Shalfasalazine, Adethioprine and Herbica, have a synergistic effect on one another. Shalfasalazine, from the sulfa drug group, and Adethioprine, an immunosuppressant, work by dampening down inflammation, while Herbica, a synthetic auxin, is believed to have an effect on microorganisms linked to Yiweitis. (The discovery of these microorganisms will be addressed in another upcoming article.)

The regime is not without its own problems, however. Shalfasalazine, for example, causes appetite suppression and weight loss, while Adethioprine is well-documented to cause chronic fatigue and depression. Patients on Herbica, meanwhile, become socially withdrawn and develop an obsession with non-animate objects.

In answer to queries on the safety profiles of these new recommendations, lead researcher, Dr Obesiuses Lipidicosus, declares:

“It is easy enough to be an arm-chair critic. However, given that this is a multi-system disorder and notoriously difficult to eradicate, we have here a far from perfect but definitely acceptable drug combination. SAH (our acronym for the regime) has been tried on volunteers, and yielded exciting results!”

When asked on the role of Samnisolone in view of these breakthroughs, Dr Lipidicosus was less enthusiastic.

“Samnisolone has not proved itself during all these years, is all I can say. We do not deny, however, that it may still have an effect on other forms of inflammation,” he remarked grimly.

The horizon certainly looks bright for sufferers of Yiweitis. For more details and information, please contact the University of Nonsensica.